The Written Journey of The MaS ... To Stay On Land Or Risk Falling Trying to Fly ?!?!

Thursday, March 29, 2007

What The Fuck Did I Write In My Previous Post !?!?!

The first 2 or 3 paragraphs were done while I was still fucking sane. But it seems that the last few paragraphs were lead into a frenzy as though I was out of fucking control. Well that was certainly the case as I was super super sleepy at the moment but yet I still continued to stay awake till 2.30 in the fucking morning. Hahahaha, what a stupid insane person I am. Well, it goes to show, that insanity is brought upon people who has nothing to do, and has internet access at their disposal. But of course this is still not the internet access that I wish, as I would like to continue my insane downloads from my beloved BitComet. Loads and loads of things to be downloaded, but I can’t don’t seem to know what I want to download. This is of course not a good sign because it shows that I am super forgetful of what I wanted! I have strayed afar from many of my objectives.

Talking about objectives, I certainly have strayed far far from what I am suppose to do as to the fact that I am beginning to doubt my own future in the accounting line. Of course it is a good future, but it is the path that is commonly followed. It is based on the rationale of my own mind and total disregard of my heart. Having face this semester’s subjects, I was hit hard in the head, how did I ever survived the past two years of torment through all those crazy subjects that demand thinking power that was not comprehendible by me. Of course this is the truth of life, if you follow the path commonly taken, your future is secured especially following in the footsteps of those had gone before you. But I have doubts about my own abilities in commanding all the knowledge that I have so called “gain” over the pass two years of studies in uni.

Of course this is not the time to back down, but maybe to open my eyes to new paths that are still undiscovered by my ownself or paths that are usually not taken by the “normal” person. Indeed this year is a crucial part of my future, but is it the future I want? I can never tell. As at the moment I have lost all my will to study. I have even failed my assessment test for CA (Corporate Accounting), but luckily my tutor is a really kind guy and gave me an extra mark just to pass me. Of course I would have to work harder for the assignments for all the subjects I am taking this semester as I do not want to pull down my partners with me to my grave. So I shall give them my best in the assignment. I hope my best would suffice for them. Especially for the CLD major assignment with the 2 other working ladies. Indeed this shall be an experience for me. I may require some assistance, and I shall throw out all my pride and ask or even beg for help in order to make sure that I do not bring my partners down to my grave.

But shall I go down 6 feet under for my studies? This thought still haunts me a great deal. Looking how things are going for me, I might want to give it a try. Better try than not knowing when I didn’t try at all. I seem to be losing a lot of things. I spoke about this in my last post, and I would like to retouch this topic in the sense that, I have no weighing machine in order to check my weight, and I fear that I might be losing weight, or maybe I am not. But it is still yet to be concluded. My hair lost, well I am working on it by not eating my potato chips as it is salty and I realize this after someone told me about it. Indeed my hair has thin down, but shall I go bald soon enough? That is yet to be concluded as well, but I do realize I am dropping a greater deal of hair in my own room now. Hair lost wei, don’t play play, this is serious matter.

Back to life. Life sucks as usual, with the weather being super unpreDICKtable with it shinning hell of a hot for 10 minutes and then rains for another 10 of course it was shining again for the 20 to 30 minutes or so. I am so fucking pissed by the fact that every time that I wanna wash my clothes, it is bound to rain! Don’t play play wei, I don’t have anymore socks to wear le. No more socks means I can’t go out. I need to wear socks le !!! Haihz, so now it is now drying in my room with the help of my little portable heater. Hehehehe, use electric a lot and a lot because it is free! Not really free its just that I it paid for with my monthly rent. So utilize it fully!!! This is a must. But internet is not free, have to pay. No fair! Nevermind la, around AUD15 per month for my house. No worries there. Hahaha, I now realize that I have significantly degraded my English a great lot as I am currently writing this post in Microsoft Words, and I see a lot of grammar mistakes and also several spelling mistakes. Wahahaha, my England is dam poor!! Lets go find an Aussieland man to teach me some crikey stuff to talk! Wooohooo I am crappy as ever.

Indeed, my room has changed abit, nothing significant and I shall take new pics of it and post it and of course post some pics about some of my most ridiculous purchases while I was here. Hahahaha. Owhhhh the comfort of my room, now things are getting a little cold, despite my heater doing its work, but towards the drying clothes. Owhhh living on my own is certainly painful experience but still an experience. Ahhhhh no more mood to write. Till next time bye bye!

posted by Elwyn at 7:16 PM | 0 comments

The Troubles Of Independence And The Trouble Of Life !!!

Life is really troublesome indeed. How is it to say that it is not troublesome at all? As a part of my independence i realize that life is never been easy. And with the fact that i have to cook for myself and myself alone really got me thinking, is it worthwhile to cook just for myself alone? To prepare to cook, about 5-10 mins, and then cooking about 10-15 mins, and the eating 5-10 mins, and then cleaning up about 10-15 mins, seems rather pointless isn't it? Thats the point of junk food isn't it? Well yeah i have been eating a great deal of junk food, cheap junk food, that was on offer of course such as chips and also nutella. Of course i have recently received a comment stating that i seem to be dropping alot of hair and of course this made me realize that my hair has gotten thinner since the time back in m'sia. And i realize, i am going bald !!! I am going BOTAK !!! Indeed this is bad. At first i thought that i only had just lost my weight, but instead now i realize that i am also losing my hair !!!

Owh, i am losing alot of stuff isn't it? Am i destined to lose more things in the future? I have a feeling that it would be the case for me. But we shall have to see what goes on from here on out. Cooking healthily is a problem, and for that i am losing weight. Not eating and also eating unhealthily also is a problem, as i am losing my hair. What else am i going to lose? My pride? My home? My future? Myself? Or ultimately my life? Well, that i can never tell isn't it? No one can predict the future.

Independence would also mean that i have to take care of myself, and i know that the following day after i typed out this post, is a hell of a long day for me as i have alot of chores to do including of, doing laundry of my clothes, my socks and also changing bedsheet, and wiping the floor, cleaning the freezer from frost, organize my room nice of all the food and other stuffs and finally at night walk 20-25 mins to Coles to buy my groceries and also walk back! I am not willing to pay for my transport. Yes call me stingy, but that is how i am. Only Coles is considered walking distance from my place as the Highpoint Shopping Center is a little too far for me to head there. Hahahaha, i have alot of shit to do, but i seem to be procrastinating a whole lot!

Procrastination and also laziness shall be my ultimately killers. I am already at a lost here in Australia with the fact that i failed for one of my test, that is CA!!! Hahaha i FAILED!!! Hardcore, no study means no way of passing, but my tutor was kind enough to give me an extra mark to pass me. Why am I lost, well it is because i dunno what the fuck am i suppose to do when i graduate. Indeed i am doomed isn't it? But of course, i am. Wooohoooooo i am doomed !!! What paths do i have in my life now? Hahaha, i have to pave new paths for myself don't i. Alright !!!!

Hahaha troubles of life again! Indeed. Hahahaha, crap crap!!! Nevermind la, i am going on to crap myself through life again with all the crap that has been thrown at me. Alright time to let the shit go!

FUCK !!!!!

Alright, feeling a little better, see ya !

posted by Elwyn at 11:30 AM | 2 comments

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

I Am A Fucking Racist !!!! The 'Name" Story, and My Pants Is Too Loose !!!

Racism flows through my very veins. The very thought of racism is really building within my head. Or is it my own instinct of hatred towards certain people. I have this intense hatred for a certain few people upon seeing their unforgiving face. I have this problem, and its proving to me that i am a fucking racist. This is due to the fact that i see some of those dark skin colored typical of those Indians it makes me feel like i want to kill them or something. There is something about them that me loath them to their very guts. It is something unexplainable. There are a few faces of whom i wish to kill!!! Their faces is the most annoying of all. Arghhhh I WANNA KILL THEM !!!!

Yes finally that is off my chest. I am admitting the racist side of me. I am sure to get murdered by those remarks. But its really something about them that makes me hate them to the very core of their guts. It has something to do with their fucking faces. Their face triggers me to hate them so much till i want to kill them off. Maybe some of their characteristics as well. Thinking about them also makes me wanna puke in hatred. Waahhhhhhh, this is what i shall call the extreme hate face factor.

Alright, now moving on with the next thing is the 'name' story. I am pretty sure that someone will be pretty pissed at what i will write here after this sentence, but it shall be a part of my online web journal for my own reading as well as the selected few to read it.

This post shall reveal all the names involved, which is only me and the offender miss Angeline Tang Pui Yee. This is the story of where the offender said that she had totally forgot my name but had remembered my girlfriend's name. I find that extremely insulting to the fact that i studied with the offender for one entire semester in the same class, and yet she forgotten my name after she forgot how to spell it during that semester and i made her remember it to the very exact spelling. The insult was the fact that she could remember the name of my girlfriend's name whom she isn't very close to and forgot my name. Indeed it was a great insult to me. The below was the MSN message that relayed between the both of us.

Miss Tang Pui Yee: hi

Me: helo

Miss Tang Pui Yee: hmmmm

Me: ???

Miss Tang Pui Yee: i kind of forgot your name ......wait...you are ....but i know how you look like

Miss Tang Pui Yee: i know your gf

Miss Tang Pui Yee: ;s name

Me: thank you bye bye

Miss Tang Pui Yee: hhahahha

Miss Tang Pui Yee: wai twait

Miss Tang Pui Yee: what are you doing now

Miss Tang Pui Yee: ?

Miss Tang Pui Yee: studying ah

Miss Tang Pui Yee: ?

Me: cleaning room

Miss Tang Pui Yee: wahhhh

Miss Tang Pui Yee: such a good man to clean your own room

Miss Tang Pui Yee: sure you have some party last night lar

Me: really ??

Me: how do u know i had a party lst night ? ? ? even i dunno wor ...

Miss Tang Pui Yee: just messing with you

Miss Tang Pui Yee: so, start all your assignments?

Miss Tang Pui Yee: heyyy, who else got go australia , i mean from vu malaysia

Miss Tang Pui Yee: ?

Miss Tang Pui Yee: cause i know that elaine and mei ling , not in malaysia

Me: elaine ... no

Me: mei ling .. yes

Me: assignments .. all finished

Miss Tang Pui Yee: ohhh

Miss Tang Pui Yee: so good

Miss Tang Pui Yee: finished already ?

Miss Tang Pui Yee: what's the time there in aus?

Me: its now 9.50

Me: finished ... well if it is finished im god

Me: streamyx dun work

Me: they rip u off

Miss Tang Pui Yee: why you say such thing ah

Miss Tang Pui Yee: ?

Me: cos they just do

Miss Tang Pui Yee: hmmmmm

Me: yes go ponder ....

Miss Tang Pui Yee: you are a bit bad

Miss Tang Pui Yee: no... i mean real bad

Me: arent u stupid .... if im not bad then its not me

Miss Tang Pui Yee: whatever

Me: hahahaha

Miss Tang Pui Yee: i think you are the one who is stupid ...because you go around telling people that they are stupid.....but you never look at your bad and stupid side

Me: indeed i am stupid .... or else how could i make everyone else look stupid u dumb fuck

Miss Tang Pui Yee: what's the dumb and fuck words

Miss Tang Pui Yee: ?

Miss Tang Pui Yee: you offended me first, ok

Miss Tang Pui Yee: ?

Miss Tang Pui Yee: i never offend you in any way

Miss Tang Pui Yee: ............

Me: owh ... u indeed has offended me in many ways .... but u just dun realize it .... u trying to prove ur innocense indeed proves ur stupidity !

Miss Tang Pui Yee: what kind of innocence

Miss Tang Pui Yee: ?

Miss Tang Pui Yee: how may i had offended you?

Me: this proves ur ignorance as well .... cant stop laughing at u ... indeed .. u have offended me in many ways, but im not 1 to point it out ... bcos to argue with you is like arguing with a wall .... such a waste of time ...

Miss Tang Pui Yee: well, since its such a waste of time, then i would not want to waste your time.... i did really forgot your name...but, i expected you not to take the matter in heart ... however, if you do , i would not do anything, or say anything....since you already had the thought of me offending you , without you yourself looking at your bad and wrongs.... everyone has bad and wrong....

Miss Tang Pui Yee: so , if you just want to go around and say fuck and stupid to people, do it , but not to me

Miss Tang Pui Yee: byebye

That was the MSN chat that i had with her before she went offline by the time i got back from dying my clothes. So in response to her last few words, i had laughed at her response in her last few words, but i just had to give a proper reply. So i wrote a long long email. I forgot the content of the email, but it goes as below. (The green is me and the blue is Miss Tang Pui Yee)

Hello fuckwit indeed. If you ever have a dictionary you can always look it up. Well I know you have been raised pretty well with all those special teachings. But your slanderous words are indeed how you sometimes offend people, but yet you find the ‘fuck’ word more offending? How stupid can you be! In this world and age, the word has been so commonly used that it has multiple meanings with any other addition of words. But of course you wouldn’t know that because you chose not to know that with your special teachings. I for one can foresee how close minded you are, and I know there are many fitting other people who share your ideals.

But of course, that is you and not me and of course name is very important for most people. Unless you prefer me calling you fuckwit all the time do you? You have been in the same class with me in the previous semester, but yet you could not remember my name. This is a total utter disgrace to me as you even told me you could remember my girlfriend’s name and not mine. But of course, it seems as though it is your god-given-talent to forget my name isn’t it. I would say wonderful.

So till the day you remember my name, then I shall call you fuckwit.

Thank you very much getting this out of my chest, because it seems to me as though there aren’t many people who tell you off about your wrong doings. Indeed I know of my wrong-doings, but I choose to do them on my own free will you fuckwit. So have fun in your uni days, because of you were to continue with this kind of attitude, and this way of slandering people, then by all means do so as people around you will hate your fucking guts. But people won’t say it. Of course I am not one of them because I am to face you straight in the face you fuckwit about how I think of you and your slanderous means.

Cheers.

That is the exact words i used in my email to her, unedited and raw of course the title of the email was "Hello fuckwit". Indeed it is a nice word to get her attention. Hahahaha and within less than 1 minute after i send out the email, i receive this response from her.

WhatEVER..... JUst whaT iF your PArenTS call YOu FUcKwit 24-7....??????????

Of course i could see that this response was totally out of anger, and i had a great big laugh before replying her with this:

Well of course they wont since they know my name. Unlike you which is your god-given-talent to forget my name, so of course i shall call you fuckwit till you remember my name fuckwit!

Hahahaha, it was just a blow after another blow, it was alot of fun for me indeed. Of course her reply was still as fast as ever with my name, but still wrongly spelled. With all her might she was able to remember my name after being called a fuckwit so many times. Indeed it is a miracle, and the email goes something like this:

so,,,here is your name.....elywn

A short and simple email from here. Hail the abilities of the four letter word!! Of course i replied in a calm manner. Hahahaha with this:

at least you got all the letters correct, but of course you still made the same mistake as marcus did. Even i don't apologise for that, but since you remembered almost correct, i shall not call you that name anymore. But be warned, your slanderous means will always be the reason why your guts will be hated.

Of course it was meant to correct her. And it continues on with her attempts on spelling my name correctly. Let me show you what i mean:

WhatEver....Alywn....

Of course i just had to reply to that with:

your stupidity reigns again. All of your answers has been filled with anger. Not a way to handle problems like this. Of course you got it wrong again!

And she was trying again to get it correct by spelling it wrongly the 1st time she got my name:

elywn

and of course i had to correct her wrong ways with:

the letters are correct just the positioning of the letters of course ... that was wat i meant in my earlier reply, but you were too angry and stupid to understand that.

And finally she got it correct, and spelling my name correctly, "elwyn". Hahaha truly i replied her with this:

owh finally you got it correct. Hooray for miss tang pui yee. May she rest in peace.

And then i suddenly received an email from her stating:

its kind of tiring to open your mail...but i got your name right...

Of course i had to reply with this:

But you are the one who acted out of anger, and replied so fast with only such profound words. Indeed this is the real tang pui yee. Now i know.

and her final statements were "GRrRRRR!!!!!!!!!"

And that how the name story goes. It is how someone totally insulted me and had a payback about it. Of course it is full of vulgarity, if not then it isn't me. Hahaha, yes i know i am a sick bastard for doing so. Well it goes to show that vulgarity mix with patience is indeed a way to wage full on war against such person!

Alright alright, it is time for me to talk about my loose pants. Yes all of my pants is very loose, even to the point that some of my points were falling off, without anyone pulling down. It is falling to floor as i walk. It passed my waist and going all the way down. Muahahaha, i wonder how could i loose so much weight. Indeed maybe because of my bad eating behaviour. Must be that. Is this the result of not eating as much as i used to when i was back in malaysia, and also the fact that i don't really bother finding food when i am hungry in the library. Hahahah i am always there to use the free internet of course! Hahaha a change of lifestyle now. Now i think my stomach has even shrunk within 1 week. This fact is proven by the incident where i couldn't finish my medium sized hungry jack's value meal when i used to eat a large meal about the time when i just got here. Hahaha a shrunken stomach!! And sooo i have to gain more weight to make sure my pants could be worn by me in the future!!!

Alright la, it is time to post this post anywayz. I will be posting some pics soon enough i guess. Hahahaha

posted by Elwyn at 2:37 AM | 8 comments

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

I Don't Want To Study Anymore!!!

Today i was greatly hit by the sense of "WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING STUDYING ALL THIS CRAP THAT I NEVER EVEN WANTED TO LEARN" !!! Indeed it hit me hard in the head. Of course i soon woke up and realize that this is something that my parents wanted me to do. I abandoned my dream of doing psychology with my mother kick out the idea of me doing psychology due to the fact that there are no work opportunities. Indeed i kinda saw things the way she did, as i was forced to. So i entered uni life knowing that i shall be doing the business side of life. I knew that it would be a great mistake in my life, but it is a choice which i am forced into. Now undergoing my final year of uni, i realize (very very rude awakening) why am i doing this !!! WHY !!!!! Of course my parents were the main factor of this decision, and they told me that the choice is mine. Maybe it was, but it must be the fact that i was too much of a chicken and just followed what my parents had 'advised' me to do. Indeed, from the International Trade and Marketing (to suite with my father's trading business) to the whole new major of Accounting, Banking and Finance (something my mother said to do, as my aunt and uncle advice her that i should do that with a greater chance to walk up the corporate ladder).

With the fact that i am struggling with my studies last year, i realize that i might suffer even worse this year with the fact that i am lacking the help i would be able to get back in m'sia. It hit me again and again, "What am i doing here, and why am i doing this?". Again and again i try my best to re-assure myself that this would be the best for myself in the future with the idea of working in an accounting firm to gain all the necessary experience before starting my own business. I wonder whether that is a dream of mine, or just a back-up plan for me to fall on as to the fact that i have no idea what future i want for myself. Indeed it is a fall-back plan indeed. It was never my dream, just a day-dream of my fall-back plan since i am in this line. What is my dream? What is my goal? Why am i here? And who am i? These questions has come back to haunt me from the past till this day and age. I already reaching the age of 21 this year and yet i haven't matured like some of the people i know.

All i know is that i have some of the smallest dreams for any guy, some of the smallest goals in life, and realizing that my presence isn't all that powerful, and still struggling to find out who i am. Of course this small dream, small goal, has kept me alive to make my presence known whether it is little or not. But of course i think that my life is not going down the path i should. I know this is a long ranting post, but bear with me awhile. The truth about this world is indeed very cruel, and with this fact, i act accordingly. Does this make me the evil person i am? Well i have to say yes. I always used my sense of honesty to test the waters of a friendship and also a long term relationship. If people want to get to know me, then i shall of course inform them all the truth about myself to the very core of who i am. My most brutal honesty seems to push away most of the potential friends, and very few remain. Indeed it is hard to understand what others think as i feel that everyone is different, and i myself is different as well.

What can i really do for myself, but to go through with my fall-back plan and just stick to this plan closely. But to go through this plan, i need to study and i find myself not being able to study anymore. I can't seem to understand what i am studying and also to the fact with all my mishaps in class. Such as sleeping during lectures and also tutorials despite all kinds of remedies, even to the point of stabbing myself with my pencil has no effect. Though i told my parents, they think it is something else. Guess i have again no choice but to follow this path towards my own doom, unless i do something else that would change the path i am on at this moment. Indeed this shall be what i have to ponder in the days to come.

With the tests coming on wed and also thurs. Having all 4 subjects a test would be beyond something i would normally do, and with chores that i have to do on the daily basis, i am tied down to having myself read the lullaby study materials. Most of what i read doesn't register in my head as it does not make sense to me. I am a man of science and i think i may have made one of my biggest mistake in my earlier days. Sadly i need to move on as the past is the past, and what i can change is only the future. I will try to push myself in order to make sure the fall-back plan would be much of a success. This is where the sadness overwhelms me as i could no longer live the small dreams i had in my life.

Let this be a lesson. Studying is no help in life especially if you are not interested in it and also if it does not make any fucking sense to you at all. The choices may be in your hands but there seems to be an invisible force that would push you towards another path except for the few who are truly lucky. Can someone survive such an ordeal? There are many, but in this new age and new generation, there are more things to think about. The world is no longer simple as it used to be and has gotten to complex to the extend that the younger the generation is, the more complex things become for them. Can their brain take all this complexity and survive the new world, which was far different from how it was 10 years ago, 20 years ago, 30 years ago, 40 years ago, and so forth. I am no longer surprised by the suicide numbers of the younger generation and also the mental problems that arise from this new plague.

Am i one of those who is suffering from this new plague that continues to grow and evolve even further with every human development? Well, i never know myself, but i know this, there are very few times i enjoy doing things. And maybe i have to look for new options in life. Studying is definately not one of them. AS I HATE STUDYING!~!!!

A post of frustrations, a post of self pity, a post of self reflection and of course a post of complaints.

Shall i blog about the incident of the 'Forgotten Name'? ? ? Well i am thinking whether i should post it or not. Maybe out of fit of stupidity, i shall do it. But not now of course, just another time.

I think i would do it, to remember how it was. This is a good place to keep memories for myself knowing that i have goldfish memory.

Well it is time to sleep!

Slay your kin, fend your enemies, and sacrifice, for all the wrong reasons.

posted by Elwyn at 1:13 AM | 3 comments

Friday, March 16, 2007

The Change of Timetable, Change of Printer, and Change of Life

Ahhhhh there has been a slight change in my timetable at this moment. A slight change in my Thursday's timetable that is. Now instead of having class from 5pm till 8 pm. It has been changed to 6pm till 9pm. Wonderful isn't it? Sooo my Thusday's timetable goes something like this. I have lectures from 9am till 1pm and then an hour break for lunch. A two hour straight of tutes from 2pm till 4pm, and then a 2 hour break before my final subject for the day which would take 3 hours straight. Meaning i have to pack dinner with me before i go to uni. Ahhh it is time to pack tin can food and a microwavable tupperware for dinner. Gotta do more grocery shopping then. Seriously not very good lor!!!!

Haihz, with the change of timetable i should have mentioned about the change of my printer. I recently bought a printer like on Monday the 12th of March but it was not working by the Thursday 14th of March, as i suspected, i think there was an overload of electricity and the printer was the first to go. Hahahahaha. I had to carry the stupid printer all the way back to the place i bought it and return it. Haihz, didn't went out for long actually, it took me an hour and fifteen minutes to get all the things done and settled, which also includes the purchase of a mini fridge. A small fridge and not a bar fridge. There is a difference you see, as the bar fridge's freezer is not meant to keep beef as there is no proper way to to keep it at the desired freezing temperature. But the one i got seems to have the function to store meat. Its coming today, Friday the 16th of March, and it cost me AUD220 and also a delivery charge of AUD39. Ahhh a fridge to finally keep all the things i wanna keep. My eggs that i bought like sooo long ago has turned bad. Not good ehhh. But what to do, i didn't eat it till the da it expired. Bad already la the eggs. Hahahahahahaha

With a change of life this would expend to the fact that i am no longer gonna be working on assignments with others who are in my age group, but with working people, and this is gonna be a torture for me, as i would require to contribute so much more because i don't think that my contribution would ever be equivalent with those who are working. Ooowhhhh, why am i talikng about this? Well it is because i have been assigned in a group with 2 ladies for the CLD (Credit and Lending Decisions) assignment who seems to be the most talkative in class with giving alot of ideas and also information to the lecturer. And also for the fact that i think that 1 of those ladies is older than the lecturer himself ! Damn it !!! For me to compare myself and her, it would be like comparing the Malaysian Petronas Twin Towers (the ladies) and a single story house (me). Sadly that is the truth and it is scaring the shit out of me! Its going to be a tough semester. Indeed!!!

The change of life also extends to the fact that its harder to make friends here with the locals (DAMN IT, should have signed up for the meet the locals program), as it seems that they already have their own cliques all over the place. Sooo it is tough. Luckily met up with a few other Malaysians around who did help a fair bit. Adapting to the this place would take me awhile indeed. Well, i still have to do it. No one else can help me do it right and soooo I Shall Never Give Up!!!!

Time for me to clear up my room. Too bad i can't wash my clothes today due to the fact that there is no sun and it had just rained last night. fridge coming in today, and i have to clean the place abit so that it would be fit to put my fridge in. Clean room. Clean bu messy room i guess. Hehehehehe!!!

Pick up the scythe, slice your enemy in two, knock on your allies door, to announce their deaths!

posted by Elwyn at 8:53 AM | 6 comments

Monday, March 12, 2007

The Tattoos, The Rants, And The Story Of My Life (Part 1), edited with addition of The Farewells, and The New Life

This should be a long post as well, as the title already says, this is a post about my rants, my tattoos and a partial of my life story. So i shall begin with my rants as i am still uploading the video's of my tattoo sessions at this current moment.

I totally hate the weather here in Melbourne as the weather is getting colder and colder, and the nights were very cold before this. Up until now i used to suffer the cold nights, but now no more !!! As i bought myself a good quilt with cover, which i might add cost me AUD52!!! Which can be said good price la compared to the many other places, and i have to thank those m'sians who were already here as i made friends with a few of them here in my uni. Lucky me ehh !!! Hahahaha. But now the weather is acting up on me again, with me wanting to wash my clothes today had to delay that idea as there is no fucking sun and that is bad if i ever wanna wash my clothes that is. FUCKING SAD WEI !!!! I WANNA WASH MY CLOTHES !!! DAMN YOU CLOUDS !!! AND ALSO THE SUN !@#@!$&*!%^#&%

Haihz, anywayz the weather here is a real damn bitch i tell you!! With the weather being a bitch, alot of things got cancelled, such as the moomba fireworks on sunday night which was last night !!! How could you, you stupid weather !!! I know the weather will get worse over time, but this weather is a bitch for me to wash my clothes ! I wanna wash my clothes, haven't reach to the point where i need to wash my clothes. Everything else seems to be okay, the walking is okay, im not aching anymore to the walking, yet it feels like forever to walk to uni. But since my Metcard is going to expire soon, i think i better do all the things i need to do fast and furious!!! Gotta inspect the fridge. Gonna buy it second hand from someone who lives in the city, and that is another bitch. To transport that fridge to my place shall be a great big bitch. Argghhhhh!! Nevermind, hopefully i can the help of my friend here. Haihz, coming here i really need alot of help from friends don't i!!! What to do, i am alone here in my place. DAMN IT!

Ahhh the rants are out of my system and i dun really know what else to rant about lor, me very forgetful lor. Muahahahhaa, typical malaysian here !!!! I am a typical Malaysian !!! Yeah proud to be one too, but ashamed of my own government though. Muahahahaha I am a sick psycho.

Sorry about the delay in my videos for the tattoos, i am still uploading them you see, as there are about 15 small video clips and 1 long one. Soo i hope you would enjoy it. The video is the video of the fish with the words "Till Death Claims This Body". But now i shall post the pics for the fishes that was done in Jan and Feb this year. Enjoy the pics below!

This is the other fish, the picture of the second fish, where my body got alot of graffiti on it just to make sure that the fishes are symmetrical on both sides. But which turns out not to be the case. But the pain was indeed intense. Anyone wanna try it out ?!?! Do try to get a tattoo, which maybe have meaning to you and then you shall appreciate the tattoo even more. Hehehehe

I think that would be the finishing end of my fish tattoo. It looks pretty done to me, as it is too dirty for me to really see whether it is really done or not. But i think it is not done, as the star on the forehead isn't there just yet. Muahahaha, I am a sick psycho ma, sure got alot of this stupid crazy things la !!!

Yes this is me, in alot of pain. Trust me, the pain is truly intense compared to the pain that i once suffered on my back. The one on my back never hurt as much as it did on the side of my body and especially on the ribs !!! And i was planning to do another tattoo on my chest. Hahaha that would be a joke because the pain is truly intense near the nipple !!!

The above is the picture of the first fish that was done in the presence of my little cousin. She is the one who help me took the videos that i am still uploading at the moment, and also help by becoming my slave buying me food and whatever not. Muahaha she is a good cousin. So this is the first fish, with the words of "Till Death Claims This Body". Maybe i shall tell the story behind the fish as well. Later !! Muahahahahaha....

This is the other side of my body with the second fish with the words "I Shall Never Give Up". When this was done, there were 3 witnesses. Miss Sue, Mister Jerome, and Miss Li Yi The Baka Kaze. Muahahahahaha indeed the 2 hours of torture seems to be good for them. Miss Sue seems to be enjoying too i guess. I don't really know because i was too focussed on the pain. Muahahaha look at it, aren't you tempted to do it as well ? ?

Well i am almost done with the uploading of the videos. I am sure you guys would enjoy it, won't you!! This is the time of my shame for sometimes squealing in pain from the extremely slow needle pricking my skin! I think faster is better. Muahahaha. Yes i am sick. Maybe while i wait for the last 2 video clips to be uploaded, i shall tell abit about the fishes. The fishes is the sign of the pieces, isn't it? There are a number of pieces who helped me along my way, and of course i am together with a pieces as well am i not !?!? Hahaha the evil looking fishes goes to show that the pieces has taught me some evil, which has made me evolve to be badder and meaner and of course at the same time trying to remind myself that I SHOULD NEVER EVER GIVE UP UNTIL THIS BODY HAS BEEN TAKEN OVER BY DEATH. Muahaha. The fishes, the evil, the pieces. Muahahahahaha. Yes i am sick.

This made me think about another tattoo, something that would truly hold dear to my heart!

Alrighty then, its time for me to put the videos. Please be warn it is GRAPHIC and also BRUTAL, and if i might add VULGAR !!!! Watch at your own risk my dear readers.

Ahhh look at those videos there. Hahaha, it took me awhile for it to be fully uploaded soooo i let it be for awhile while i wrote this continuation with the partial part of my life's story. Yeah yeah, well life indeed won't stop being a bitch. So i shall talk abit about my life. I have been coping pretty well in Footscray, Melbourne, Australia. I have lost count of the amount of days i am already here. The grocery shoppings and the shopping for my necessities has driven me to the ground. But i continue to do what i can to survive in this new land and new environment. Laziness has also taken the best of me. Hahaha indeed i am becoming lazier and lazier. Bad but this shall change, hopefully!!!

Well i know i havent blog much about australia just yet, and also the farewells and also my rooms and all the other stuff. I will get to it when i feel like it. Now i just wanna settle my tattoo stuff and then do all the other necessary stuff such as my assignment and buying my books and also just going to inspect the second hand fridge and a few other minor stuff. Hahahaha i think i am losing the mood to blog now, maybe i should go soon to do my stuff such as, let me see inspect the fridge and buying my books and also all the minor things i guess. I gotta get myself organized !!!! Yeah yeah its time to get ready and go !!!!!!!!

Soo till the next time, enjoy the pain, feel the pleasure, and kill the trouble.

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Added materials on the same day but in the evening at around 6.23 pm.

Ahhhhh since im lazy to do my tute work, i guess i shall extend this post even more !!! Muahahahahaha sick psycho is back !!! Yeah yeah, this time i shall be talking about the times before coming to this accursed land where the internet is cursed to be capped after a certain amount of data was downloaded.... SADNESS ! ! ! ! !

Yeah yeah, there were a few farewells here and there and with my most forgetful brain, i can't really remember all the farewells i went to. I remember steamboat, pizza, and a few other food which already slipped my mind. Sadly i had to leave some of my most favourite food such as the home made chicken sushi (yes you heard me right, chicken sushi which is very nice for me especially with the sweet soy sauce), spaghetti cabonara from Milwaukee which i didn't get the chance to eat before leaving, the steamboat and the sotong goreng at the steamboat place, chee cheong fan at the sunway uni coll cafeteria, and .... and ... i cant remember!! Damn it !!! Ahhhh good food back at home with MSG is the bomb !!!!!

Well let me post up some pics of some of the farewells before departing for the accursed land of the shops that close at 5pm!!!

Hahahaha look at those pics, i dont really want to comment much on it, because the pics already worth 1000 words !!! VU gang are really a good bunch of friends. Without them i would not have survived the second year in uni. They indeed help push me towards doing my work and also helping me understand the work. With the motto of they help me, I HELP THEM !!! Hahahaha those were the good times. Now i have to struggle through on my own or with little or no help. This is the greatest thing ever. Though they might help me from M'sia, but the help might not be as useful, but i will utilize it the best i could.

Haihz, too bad i don't have any pic of my yam cha group. The 4 of us would always meet up for yam cha, either at Maideen or steamboat. Hahahaha it was a great time to feast !!! Indeed, they were the one who sent me off, and in return, we went to eat at Eden in KLIA!!! FUCKING COST ME A BOMB !!!! RM200 dinner for 3 people. Indeed was a luxurious dinner for us. Hahahaha, they were there until my parents arrived with my grandfather to send me off before i flew off to this accursed land. My father couldn't hold back his tears and cried, my mother was holding it off, and she holded it off well, i saw her eyes were tearing, but she was controlling. But i on the other hand did not shed a tear, neither did my eyes got watery, i tried to shed some tears but i just couldn't. But i shed tears about 1-2 weeks later, after reading an email from my mom of course. P&C here.

Anyways here are some pics of me and my parents and also my grandfather and myself.

My Mum and myself, i took this pic of me and my mom. The camera on my father's phone was useless.

My father and i near the Mc D. Hahahaha of course i took this pic on my own as well to prove the clarity of my phone is far better than his PDA phone. Muahahahaha.

Ahhh yes this is my grandfather, on my mother's side. He came down earlier for CNY as he wanted to see me off to Australia. Sooo nice of him.

Well there goes more of my life's story. Hahahaha indeed life shall always have a twist of fate and how things would always turn out bad or good depending on how you see it. Hahahaha. Its time to further adapt to this country.

Kill your enemies, slap your allies, wake them up from their deep slumber !!!

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The new life in Australia is really tough, having start to taking care of your ownself is hard without the proper guidance and knowledge. Lucky i had armed myself with sufficient knowledge to keep me alive till this long. But still i make some mistakes along the way. Its the complete and idiotic truth. I knew that i had bought some wrong stuff at the beginning and paid a fair deal on it. Haihz, anywayz, i am pretty much settled down in my room. I am staying in a rooming house with 6 other guys, and the house is cleaned every 2 weeks or so by this so called "professional" cleaner. He doesn't really do a good job does he. Hahahaha. Anywayz, my room is pretty messy with all the things here and there. And also food in my room, as i dun wanna put it in the kitchen fearing that there will be some overgrown "rats" stealing my food.

Anywayz here are some pics of my room. Hahahahaha.

Here you can see my extremely messy bed. With my newly bought comforter, with stripe cover. Hehehehe. And if you see properly, you can see a fan near the floor. That is a heater/fan thing. Look at how messy my whole room is. Hahahaha indeed really messy.

As you can see, at the foot of my bed is my computer table, and where my laptop is. Its a VERY SMALL TABLE. Cant do work here !!! You can also see how messy it is. I am indeed a really messy person. Bad hor !!!

opposite my computer table in the other side of my room you can see the white cupboard there. Its the place where i store food and my plastic bags and also my bedsheet and also pillow cases. I also keep some of my toiletries there. There is my soap and shampoo there as so is my shaver and the shaving cream. But if you are observant enough, then you would realize there are cooking and kitchen utensils lying on the floor. Hahahaha i had to do so or else the "rats" would start using my utensils which i barely use, and also for a fact that i dont wanna use their horribly dirty cooking utensils. There are alot of things there. Ask me if you are curious as to what you see in the pic.

As you can see, there is a pile of toilet roles on my luggage bag. And also that shall be the cupboard where all my clothes are and also some of my cooking ingredients which by the way havent got the chance to use just yet.

Well thats about it that i shall share in this post. Haihz, alot of things that i wanna do but i cant do!!!

Rip out the hearts of those you hate, stab your partners in the ass, and sting them into knowing your presence.

posted by Elwyn at 10:47 AM | 4 comments

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

The Things That Creeps In

Sadness looms over me, and loneliness crept into my life. Its really getting to me at this time of my life. Being not able to watch all the movies and animes i usually watch. Not able to play DotA with my friends back in M'sia. Not being able to go out and eat in the middle of the night some really cheap mamak stuff especially the roti planta and milo ice. Haihz, it has all backlash onto me. At this moment, i am in the library typing away on my little laptop keyboard ranting on this post.

Last night, i heard my housemates complain about the slow internet, and i feel that i am the one who should be blamed, but i dare not speak out in fears of i dunno what. So i guess i can't download or watch anything from my room anymore. Even more sadness looms over me. At this moment and time, i should be doing my tute work, which i have no mood doing. I am a lifeless zombie, sitting in this chair typing away here. Nothing is good here, and the things here are expensive. Its sucking all the money away. I also haven't got the chance to find a fridge, or is it that i am procrastinating as i always used to do. Bad bad thing to do.

Its seems as though my life seems rather useless eh, considering i am always stuck in my room, stoning. The room of which i am suppose to clear up and also store up my food properly. Indeed i cant seem to do it properly. Again sadness looms over me. Its also another fact that its moving into autumn and the weather is getting ridiculously cold, and i find it hard to sleep with this extremely cold weather. I am suppose to find myself a good quilt and quilt cover in order to save myself from the extreme cold. But i guess from tonights onwards i shall be turning on my heater. The water is cold and also the fact that everytime after taking a bath i would freeze my balls off trying to dry up and also put on my clothes. Haihz even more sadness looms over me.

Indeed life is not funny, and of course i am trying to scrape through the life here. Haihz.......

I guess its time for me to continue doing my work then. This post allows me to let go some of the burden off my chest ......

posted by Elwyn at 4:09 PM | 0 comments

Monday, March 05, 2007

Time For Secrecy Begins

Ahhh this time it is all only the invited readers. Hahahaha, now my blog doesn't receive as much visits as it used to have. Which was already so low, but hey, i know why it is so. So no worries.

Well, life may seem tough to me at this time and moment with the multiple choices that i have to make in my everyday life. Indeed it is tough and costly, but it keeps me alive and breathing. Ain't that right? That and also the fact that when i want to dry out my clothes it wants to rain, and how much the weather is such a bitch as well. Looks like i have to look for my fridge tomorrow then. Because it is already 5 o'clock and shops closes at this time. Weird but it is the norm in Australia. And at the moment, the wing outside is blowing like there is tornado hitting. The gust of winds were forcefully strong despite the sun pouring down it still felt extremely cold. And its still summer, or i should say, coming to the end of summer. Well, whats life it isn't a bitch right? So i shall be an asshole then!

Well my little blog here shall slowly be upgraded to be personalize to me and what i want to keep in it. Indeed it shall be slowly upgraded in the way it looks. And hopefully by the end of this year, it shall be my own most beautiful skin (blog skin of course). For now bare with this poor layout.

Well, till the next time, see ya. It might be a long time since 3rd year subjects are soooo fucking tough. It shall drain the life out of me, including the fact that i need to find work. And also the fact that i have to go groceries shopping, and also clean up my room, and also doing house chores especially washing clothes and also a few other things, and last but not least cooking to save the money which i am really lacking. Hope things would go smoothly, as i won't be just studying anymore this year, i shall be doing even more than i am used to and this would be done on foot via public transport, which is my only means of transport here now. Crazy huh, but it is the fact.

The loneliness and also the boredom is an understatement especially for me. This should be the peak of my life, but it doesn't feel so. Maybe because i played my cards wrongly and also the fact that i didn't do very well in socializing in my lifetime. Shall this make me more of the introvert i am at the moment? We'll see how living in Melbourne change me into. Whether it is for the better or the worse, we can never tell!

This is what i have to say at the moment, so till the next time, see ya!

posted by Elwyn at 4:49 AM | 7 comments