There are a lot of doubts in my life and also the fact of me not having the right attitude towards studies anymore proves to be a problem for me here and now. It is hard to tell this to my parents whom they have put all their hope in me. Indeed it is tough. But I have a lot of time to think with the ample time I have here, and yet I did not do what I should be doing … that is sewing my tearing bag. Of course with this amply time, it really got me thinking a fair bit, about my future. What am I to do if I were to fail a subject here? What am I to do when I get my degree? What is it that I should be looking forward to in the future? Of course this is all still in my head.

Pondering and pondering all the time I have, and I realize, I should come clean about my tattoos and also the fact of me going to continue working at Borneo Ink for awhile longer before really getting a real job. I find that I love working in Borneo Ink! I am not too sure about working in other places but I hated having to work for my father before. I would like to find work here and fill up some of my time here. But with me struggling through the subjects, HUGELY my fault, I am having second thoughts about it of course. Indeed as what people always say, as we get older, life gets tougher and tougher. I find this, soooo true.

Indeed I am risking getting kicked out of the house with me telling the truth, but I guess I am ready for that. I can’t take much of this studying as well, but I have to pull this through as I need the degree to cover my ass that is. Yes a paper to cover my ass from falling flat on the ground. I am not gifted in drawing, but if I have the initiative, I might probably be able to re-produce some of the artwork that might be involved in the tattooing side. Indeed I am seriously considering a path towards the tattooing business. But rather than a business, it is a way of expression, as how my tattoos symbolizes something in my life.

I have so many more tattoos that I wish to do, and would be getting in the future. My chest piece, my sleeves, and a probable leg calf piece. Indeed I am asking for more pain that I would bargain for, but the pain is nothing to the things that I feel in life. Maybe it is the pain that would remind me of the reasons why I ink that part of my body. Having said that the pain from my rib tattoo was the most painful in my life (at the moment), leading me to understand to die giving up would be even more painful than that. That just reminded me that I should not give up on my studies just yet, but give it everything I can pull up. I hope it would be more than enough to pull me through to end this 3 year torture that has brought me few new friends who I can really call as friends, and also lost a few friends that I thought were my friends.

It was also within these 3 years I learn a number of things that may or may not brought changes in my life. Of course there were many changes in my life, even made me have a cold heart at times, but it is necessary in my life. If I was too warm and kind, I would have probably lost myself to death already. But hey, I am still here am I not. Means I may or may not have done the right choices, but it has brought me here. Life has been good in the past, and I understand that life is getting tougher for me at the moment, but I guess it is fate that I finished and did the tattoo on my ribs. It is time to prove it!!!

Not all plans would come into play right, so, I guess that I have chosen another path compared to the path in Australia. This path is certainly not for me. The new path I’ve chosen is to be with Borneo Ink till I find another path. Will this plan hold through this tough patch of life? Or will it just be a dream? This I could not say, as I can’t see the future. So we shall see how the things will go isn’t it. But for now, I guess I have to put in more effort towards my current studies since I should not give up on it, but I will put as much effort as I can call up.

Having said all of these, let this be a reminder that I myself is who I am, with all I got, I will do what I can in my own powers to get what I want in life, and to matters into my own hands shall be how it will be from now on till death claims this very body of mine!

Fight for your right, though the world is your opponent, suffer the pain as you alone, as not everyone is willing to share the pain with you, take it all in, and blow it all out …. onto whoever that stands in your way.